Sharp Objects

It’s a destructive urge
It’s millions of small stitches in your guts and your brain
As you’re forced into a never-ending loop
A loop you can’t get out of and you no longer know what’s real
Today, i thought he scratched it
touched the surface and somehow scratched it
with a sharp object
with something that lies on his table all-day, nearby like scissors or his pen or his watch
or maybe i scratched it when i opened it up this morning i know i accidentally touched the plant on the desk with the back cover these leaves look razor-sharp i better look for scratches compare look out for details imperfections i mean, this thing is new it’s meant to be perfect, flawless so i better look for scratches deep down i know, no one touched it not him, not me no sharp objects everything went flawless but i feel it and i can’t let go i better look for scratches compare look out for details imperfections i’m forced into a never-ending loop a loop i can’t get out of and i don’t know what’s real anymore i thought i scratched it accidently touched the surface and somehow scratched it with a sharp object seriously, i need to rest i need to walk away but these thoughts will remain and i know, tomorrow morning i will still think about what i thought has happened first thought but what happened exactly? maybe i quickly reconstruct what happened with a sharp object force myself into a never-ending loop a loop i can’t get out of i better look for scratches compare look out for details imperfections once you’re in it’s hard to get out but maybe my flaws are just a chance for getting a better person this condition isn’t all that bad, just parts are all of my belongings are practically new and my hands are always clean so, what can i gain from my struggle? maybe i should just extract & forget the negative side and keep the positive you can always decide it’s just a stitch nothing is flawless it’s your decision you’re in charge but is it my decision? am i in charge? it’s a destructive urge it’s millions of small stitches in my guts and my brain it’s sharp objects on flawless surfaces i’m forced into this never-ending loop a loop i can’t get out of just like life itself something’s always getting in your way something’s always getting scratched nothing is flawless people on repeat actions on repeat everything’s always on repeat and it seems like in the end looking forwards means you’re looking backwards somehow i spend hours and hours of my days keeping everything safe saving things from scratches videos not being in sync salt on the counter things not getting knocked over sand in my shoes clean hands but talking to you helps talking about my problems helps makes me feel better peter says this is all about control and yes, maybe i’m not willing to lose control at any point and julia says our neighbor says these are my unprocessed feeling but i don’t know about unprocessed feelings